confetti kindness

#dubdubluv

Tomorrow is my last first day of Wildcat Welcome and I am feeling all the feels, as the kids say.

For those of you who might not know, Wildcat Welcome is Northwestern’s orientation program. But “orientation program” doesn’t even begin to explain what dubdub means to me. For the past three years, I have been a part of the Wildcat Welcome community as a Peer Adviser (PA) and nothing describes this community better than the post I wrote a year ago at this same time, a community of caring.

The 200 plus individuals who form the PA community are the most special people I have met in my entire life. When I try to explain just how amazing and how much love I have for this group of humans, words fail me.

All I can say is thank you. Thank you for bringing out my funniest, most outgoing self. Thank you for making me a more aware human being, for filling me with so much love, for dancing with me, for the hugs, and for liking my GroupMe messages.

To my friends in the PA community, there is nobody I would rather aggressively snap my fingers with.

And to all those new students about to move in to their residence halls, I hope you find a community like this one. It might be as a PA someday or maybe it will be somewhere else on campus or off. But when you find those people that bring out the very best in you, may you cherish every single second you get with them. Because the years will go by faster than you think.

I write this with tears in my eyes. I still can’t quite believe that this is my last time, but since it is, let’s make it the best one yet.

#dubdubluv forever.

losing my mojo

At the start of summer (aka two weeks ago, shout out to the quarter system), I decided to set some goals and intentions, things I wanted to focus on for the next three months. Summer should be fun and relaxing, obviously, but I also didn’t want to spend all my free time catching up on all the shows I neglected during the school year or binge watching new ones (I’ve already watched an entire season of the Great British Baking Show in 2 days so this was necessary). One of those goals was to work on my blog. I realized that I have not posted or even thought about it much in months. Which is sad and shocking because it was once something that filled me with so much joy and was also great problem set procrastination.

I tried to figure out how I got here and I think it comes down to the fact that throughout this past year, I lost a lot of my self-confidence.

In the fall, I was rejected from a position that, if I’m being honest, I 100% thought I would get. Not to sound cocky, but I simply never imagined this situation happening. I had wanted this since my second week on campus and I was perfectly qualified. I spent hours on my application, writing and re-writing it a million times. I felt ready for my interview, put on my favorite skirt and went in with hands shaking and a smile on my face.
I will never forget how deeply my heart sank as I looked at my phone screen and read the words “I’m sorry to inform you that we are not able to offer you a position…”

Then, in the span of a few weeks, I was turned away from a student group in which I have many friends, some of whom are even on exec. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled in my classes. I attempted the process of consulting recruitment… with little success when I realized that it was just not for me. To top it all off, the boy I liked turned out to be, well, not straight. (oops)

So, you could say, I was feeling defeated. Being the type of person that I am; however, I tried not to let it get to me. I pushed through, saying I was fine, continuing my 100 Days of Happy challenge, and going through the motions. Today, I can see clearly that every failure was just a shift in a different, better direction… a little blessing in disguise.

But through it all, I lost my mojo, for lack of a better phrase. And it manifested itself in how I felt about my blog. I religiously follow a wide variety of bloggers and the more I looked at their content, the more I felt as though the words I wrote were meaningless. With blogging becoming trendier and Instagram celebrities filling my newsfeed, I began to wonder what the point of it was. And so, eventually, I stopped blogging. I felt a lack of inspiration and lost sight of why I even started this little thing.

That is, until I was talking to one of my best friends, Sarah, and she suggested I start writing again. I went back and reread the very first post I ever wrote and remembered exactly why… to make myself happy and spread that happiness. I liked writing about happy things and when I did, it filled me with joy and I hoped to share that with others.

So here we are. With a fully refurbished site (I can never stick with one design for too long, but I’m thinking this one will last) and a renewed energy to post and to do it for myself. It’s a little bit of self care and everyone can use more of that.

Maybe you’re in a similar situation. Maybe you didn’t get your dream internship, you got your heart broken, or you’re just lacking a bit of self confidence. I feel you. Don’t you dare let it stop you from doing what you want, no matter what others will think because you deserve every bit of happiness.

xoxo

100 days of happy

I MADE IT.
YOU MADE IT.

If you follow me on Instagram, you were exposed to 100 days filled with happiness.
You deserve a round of applause and a big hug (for just being you, and also for sticking with me on this 100 day journey).

So why did I, a self-proclaimed happiness enthusiast, do this?

2016 was not the easiest year. Maybe I was sucked into the “2016 is just the worst” mindset and fell down that slippery slope of negativity. Even if that was the case, 2016 did not make it easy on me. It was a year filled with friendship struggles, fatigue, rejections, anxiety, saying “I’m fine” when I wasn’t, uncertainty, fear of the future… you get the idea. The turmoil our society was facing seemed to reflect itself into my personal life. Ugh.

I tried my best to stay positive because some really incredible things happened in 2016 (we had the first female presidential candidate, I finally saw Hamilton, and some amazing people walked into my life), but when I started this Instagram challenge, I was in need of a reminder to choose happiness. I love Instagram (surprise! surprise!) and I had seen someone I greatly admire do this challenge a few months before, so it seemed like the right call.

And now, here we are, 100 days + 100 pictures later.

Am I a significantly different person than when I started? No, not really. It’s a new year, so I am feeling refreshed and filled with motivation to make this year better, but the past 100 days didn’t change who I was fundamentally. It helped me get through a period of my life where things didn’t seem to be going my way. It reminded me to focus on the little moments of joy. And that’s what choosing happy is all about.

Thank you to everyone who followed along, here’s to many more days of little moments that bring smiles… sans all the hashtags.

never stop loving

My heart is so heavy today. I feel defeated and dejected. How many hours have I spent crying? How many tears have I shed for the people that I love? For the country that I love?

If you know me, you know that I am (yes, still am) a huge Hillary supporter. I have been #WithHer since the day she launched her campaign and my faith in this incredible, smart, and strong woman has not wavered. I did the research and I could talk for days about why I supported her, why I still support her, why I am so proud and thankful for all she has done.
To top it all off, her opponent was Donald Trump: a bigot, a racist, a sexist, a homophobe, a demagogue, and a bully. This only strengthened how I felt about Hillary.
From that first day, I never imagined that she would lose. Never once did the thought cross my mind that Donald Trump could be president. Yet, here we are .

And I’m sad and I’m scared and I’m hurt and I’m mad.
I feel for myself… as a woman in a country where the president has no respect for women. Where he legitimizes acts of sexual assault as something we can accept. Where he believes that a woman’s worth is in the way she looks.
I feel for my loved ones… the lady bosses in my life, my friends of color, my immigrant friends, my friends that identify with LGBTQ+ community… all of whom are devastated by the rhetoric of his campaign and the hatred in this country.
I feel for a planet that is suffering every day due to climate change.
I feel for the children… the children who could not vote in this election, the children who knew him for what he was, and still he is their president.

But sadness and fear are not what confetti kindness stands for. Today, yes, I will cry. I will give hugs and send a million heart emojis. I will drink tea and wear a warm sweater.
Tomorrow… tomorrow I will spread sunshine. I will fight with courage for equality. I will throw kindness like confetti. The world does not need more hate. The world needs love. And love is so much stronger than hate.

“Never stop believing that fighting for what is right, is worth it.”

Today the sun rose + tomorrow it will rise again.

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priorities

“Are you still blogging?”

Someone asked me this a few days ago and it stopped me dead in my tracks. Of course I was! I love my blog! I love sharing happy thoughts! Well then, why have I not posted in almost two months?

“I’ve been SO busy”
“This quarter is crazy”
“Time just flies by”

I have used every single one of these excuses more times than I can count in the past two months. I blinked and all of a sudden it’s November. November!! The month of Thanksgiving!! That’s wild.

But it hasn’t just been neglecting my blog that I’ve used these excuses for. There are some of my closest friends that I have seen maybe once or twice in the past two months. I haven’t even touched my coloring books. I’ve gone from the gym to work to class to meetings to the library to bed and repeat. Not that it’s been a bad two months, at all. The weeks have just flown by and in the chaos, I haven’t always prioritized the things that make me the happiest.

So… my goal for these next few weeks until Thanksgiving and winter break: locate the things that are most important and schedule them in. Make time for coffee dates and skype calls. Be efficient with the little things so there’s room in my life for the big things. Make a list and prioritize, prioritize, prioritize.

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